Taking One For The Team
by Alphawolf69
Summary: Krista is charged with 'An Extremely Important Misson' by Blade. Not meant to be serious but hopefully quite humourous. KristaChase or Khase pairing. Femslash etc. within, as well as a long river in Egypt.


Disclaimer:

I don't own Blade, Krista or Chase (they'd so kick my arse). Here be femslash, arh, so don't shiver me timbers if ye don't like it (just watched PotC 3). Oh yeah, this is in no way serious (what was your first clue…) and shouldn't be taken as such. I was just experimenting with doing something (hopefully) that was humorous. Let me know if I succeeded or completely flopped.

Taking One For the Team

"You want me to _**what**_?!" Shrieked Krista as her jaw dropped in horrified disbelief.

_This could __not__ be happening!_

Blade stared impassively back at her for a moment, and then repeated himself for the second time. "I need you to get the locations of the five new vampire cells-" Krista cut him off, visibly exasperated, while Shen tried not to snigger in the background, stuffing several knuckles into his mouth to stifle the noise. Krista's sharp hearing caught it anyway and she gave him a glare that could have dropped a flock of pigeons mid-flight.

"Not **that**! The bit where you said you want me to…" Krista trailed off, her bronzed complexion paling so dangerously Shen was worried about her passing out. "…to _seduce _Ch-ch-" The words seemed to have trouble forming, her obvious panic tangling the syllables on her tongue.

"Chase." Blade was the one who cut her babbling off this time, his patience looking like it was beginning to wear thin.

_Honestly_, he thought to himself, _was it such a hard concept to grasp?_

"Chase's star is rising through the ranks at Chthon." Blade began repeating his explanation again, feeling rather put out at having to do so. "Since Fritz was ashed," here Shen gave a proud smirk, "she's taken on all of his old responsibilities and has also been rewarded with an extra five vampire cells to watch over. She's our best chance of getting information on their locations."

Of course, what neither of the man mentioned was the well-known fact that Chase attracted to Krista. It was possible that with a lowered guard she'd be more willing to let things slip and if not, well there was always the 'sorry-love-I was-just-looking-for-my-underwear-I-just-know-it's-somewhere-around-here' excuse if Krista was caught going through Chase's belongings for clues.

Krista could see that to Blade's mind, filled though it was with an unreasoning and unwavering hatred to vampires, it seemed like a good plan. He clearly didn't understand why Krista didn't see the beauty of it –or at the very least keep her trap shut and _pretend_ that she did. With a touch of hysteria, Krista ran one hand through her already tousled hair. It was all very well for him, **he** wasn't the one being asking to place his body and blood on the line to flirt with and seduce a dangerously sexy and lethal vampiress into bed. And somehow survive the process.

"But-but…Chase is…she is…I mean, she's a _girl_." Krista stammered, clearly grasping at straws.

"Don't worry, I've done research," Shen chipped in helpfully, "she swings both ways." He gave an innocent smile. "She won't be able to resist you once you turn on your charm." Krista turned an unhealthy (especially for a vampire) shade of red and swallowed convulsively.

"See? And I wouldn't have thought it'd be an issue for you anyway, isn't the army strict on that whole 'don't ask, don't tell' thing?" Blade pointed out with inarguable logic.

Krista decided right then and there that she hated Blade. She really, really, really hated him.

"You _are_ a team player, aren't you Krista?" He asked after a pause, looking concerned. "This **is** for the greater good after all. Think about all the lives that we could save here. This is exactly what your brother was trying to help me with."

"…Well, yeah they **are**, and I _am_ -but that doesn't mean that I like-" Krista began, stammering as she got the distinct feeling that she was a fly caught in an intricate spider's web; each word she said only tangled her faster. She felt that mentioning her brother as an argument was a particularly low blow.

"I'm glad we got that sorted." Blade said briskly, clapping his large gloved hands together in a very final sounding way (or at least that's what it felt like for Krista).

"Sorted?" Krista echoed, desperately hoping she was having a very bizarre dream, possibly brought on by eating that pizza that had been lurking at the back of her fridge for about a week. "But Chase hates my guts!" Both Shen and Blade (though it was hard to tell thanks to his opaque dark sunglasses) simultaneously gave her a very disbelieving look.

"Oh Krista." Shen said, his soft voice oozing with sincere sympathy. "Krista, Krista, Krista." He shook his head sadly. "No wonder you never go on any dates."

* * *

After they were sure Krista had left, Shen looked over at his friend and leader. "Think she bought it?" He asked, releasing the wide grin he'd been hiding with great difficulty the whole time. The deadly hunter looked back and gave one of his rare toothy grins, exposing sharp white canines. 

"Oh yeah. Krista is a good little soldier."

"Sure she'll be okay?" Shen asked after a moment as the initial hilarity wore off and reality set in. Suddenly he was having second thoughts... "It **is** Chase after all." Blade looked up from where he was preparing his serum dosage.

"It's **because** it's Chase that she'll be okay." Blade grunted, filling the syringe with liquid and tightening the tourniquet around his arm with his fangs. "She has a soft spot for Krista a mile-wide, it's only because she thinks Krista's interested in Marcus that she acts like a complete bitch."

"Oh." Shen's imagination wasn't quite good enough to imagine a scenario where Krista would ever be attracted to Marcus. Ever. Especially since he kept catching Krista check out Chase's ass on any surveillance footage they had of her. Thankfully, Krista hadn't noticed him, as Shen didn't think he could have taken the embarrassingly flimsy excuses she would probably come up with to cover herself.

"I'd had my suspicions all along, from listening to Krista's description of Chase's behaviour -classic vampire mating ritual-" Shen didn't want to ask how threatening and physical abuse, coupled with snide comments related to displaying affection. Following that logic, half the vampires he fought we were madly in love with him. The thought made his skin crawl.

Vampires were so fucked up -in his humble opinion, anyway.

"But the kicker was when Chase actually saved her life in that warehouse. It was a perfect opportunity to get rid of her after all. That's why I believed Chase when she turned up here actually _asking_ for help to seduce Krista."

"I still can't believe we didn't ash her." Shen crossed his arms over his chest and leant against the wall, his head tilted to the side in remembrance. Man that had been a crazy night. Almost as crazy as the night where he'd gotten takeout from a dodgy Chinese place down on the East side and spent the rest of the night thinking he was a neon sign…Shen maintained it was the weird mushrooms he'd eaten.

"She made me an offer I couldn't refuse." Blade stated, completely deadpan. Shen looked at him suspiciously. He was almost certain that was one of the four signs of the apocalypse.

"Did you just make a joke?" Blade raised his eyebrow as if to say; 'who, me?' and Shen shook his head. He had to stop drinking so much coffee, it was making him hear things.

"Two vampires in my pocket _are_ better than one." Blade continued.

"Yeah, I have to admit, I wouldn't have said no to full intel on all of Chthon's vampire cells and the current whereabouts of two high-ranking elders either. But how do we know she'll stick to the deal? And not kill Krista?"

"She's in love and she's desperate, it's a killer combination."

Shen couldn't argue with that.

"So she won't hurt Krista." He concluded, looking relieved. Blade shot him an odd look.

"I didn't say that. It _is_ Chase after all." Shen looked at him in confused horror. Blade shrugged dismissively. "What? Krista's a vampire. She'll enjoy it."


End file.
